Laying it Down.....Again

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. Didn't want to get out of bed. Just a general feeling of being overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by life here. Overwhelmed with decisions that loom for our family. Overwhelmed with the idea of staying. Overwhelmed by the thought of leaving in a few short months. Overwhelmed by the lostness that surrounds us. Just.....overwhelmed. In the mission field, I think this is called cultural stress. Or culture shock. At least I recognize it. The problem is, I struggle with it much too often.

I've always known, but am really learning over time that this familiar feeling is not from God. The enemy seeks to paralyze me in these moments. My mind is inundated with lies. You aren't good enough. You aren't making a difference. You aren't qualified. No one cares about your ministry here. Give up. Go home.

Oh, it would be so easy to pack it up and just go home. When I look at things by sight and in my own strength, it seems quite impossible. F*lk Isl*m permeates this place. There is nothing warm and fuzzy about ministry here. Nothing. Of course, I know there is not much warm and fuzzy about ministry anywhere. It's hard. And it takes time. Investments......our life, time, prayer, money, sacrifice of our way and our wants.

Go read 2 Corinthians 5. The whole chapter.

Oh, the groaning that is done in this tent! How I love that God prepared us for this very thing by giving us His Spirit! It is the Spirit that reminds me. I love how God's word tells me the Spirit is my guarantee.....my guarantee that this tent is temporary and my heavenly dwelling awaits! I walk by faith and not by sight.

So I lay it all down....again.

I don't remember ever laying down so much at the foot of the cross on a daily basis as I have living here. It can be exhausting.

And so I started praying and the Lord brought to my mind the verses in Matthew about his yoke being light.

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30

No one is qualified in the presence of God. Except that we have Jesus. And when God looks at me, He sees all the qualification that matters.

Ugh....now I'm crying....again.

How humbled I am that He cares about me. That He loves me. That He allows me to be here and be involved in what He is doing in this place. His grace is sufficient. It sustains me when all else lets me down. It sustains me when the days are hard. It sustains me when the questions come and the answers don't. He is enough.

Rick had his very first Bible study here the other night. A real study. With guys REALLY interested in learning the Truth. They had lots of questions. I asked Rick later what kinds of questions and he couldn't even put it all back into words for me....there were some crazy questions. He described it as a fog. One guy is well educated. Knows Arabic. Has read the K*ran multiple times. Has traveled and studied at some pretty high level Isl*mic schools. His questions come out of the heavy fog of that background. The other guy comes from a mostly "Christian" area of our country where animism has a strong hold under the thinner layer of popular religion. And he's encountered lots of false prophets and false teachings from people claiming to be "Christian". He has lots of questions coming out of the fog of that background.

At the end of their time together, Rick was encouraging them. He told them that he knows it's hard here. There are VERY few places to find encouragement and support when you are coming out of either of those fogs in this part of the world. There are very few places of support and encouragement here period for any of us that follow Jesus. But Jesus, he said, is our example. Everything we need we can find in him. He encouraged them to be strong in the Lord. They talked about the power of the HS in their lives. How he would guide them. And for them to keep sharing with those around them. When Jesus was living on this earth, he really spent all of his time with just 12 guys. Twelve. And one man and his 12 friends....well, they changed the world.

I'll probably have to lay something down again tomorrow. But today, I'm choosing to walk by faith.....one step at a time.

What about you? What lie are you listening to today? What burden is on you that feels like the weight of the world? I challenge you to trust His plan. Trust Him. Lay it down today and choose to walk by faith!